Leadership

DEI at its heart IS heart.

I'm as much an insider as there can be (outside of the ultra-rich), but I've felt the pain of Outside.

I cannot claim to know the lived experiences of any but the most privileged.  I am NOT a "protected class".  But I can extrapolate.

I am among the most privileged class.  Cishet white male.  Grew up Middle Class - briefly upper middle, sometimes free-lunch poor.  Very engaging, always a smile.  And for a while, beautiful in the way that all young and smiling youth are (as seen from my now-old eyes).  In short, I was about as welcome as welcome can be.

And still I struggled.

I can count being majorly uprooted eleven times, including five different elementary schools. Only one involved a “community” actively gatekeeping.  But even the “easy” took time. 

The military does it all the time.  It's part of their culture, and they know how to handle it.  They have programs to welcome, support, integrate.   They invest in their culture.  Why?  They have to; it's a volunteer army.

My family was alone, winging it.

In only one move was I bullied.  I learned to lean in fast, but it still took time to become accepted.  Cumulative years on the (very narrow) outside. 

In my last uprooting, I remember the graciousness of the Open Gym Volleyballers.  A team of younger, more skilled players “adopted” me and made it a point to make me feel welcome.    I was not one of them, but they intentionally chose to be kind.  After a few months I left them (with thanks); I was self-conscious about burdening them (I later learned that a skilled tall middle blocker is ideal, but a clumsy tall middle blocker is still pretty valuable).  But their support helped me until I found my niches. Thirty years later, I still feel deep gratitude towards them.

Intentional kindness matters.  Intentionally promoting awareness of those who may need support matters.  Intentionality matters.  It can make a difference.  It does make a difference.  

Of late, the “forgotten” middle class is coming to grips with feeling left out – left out of the American Dream.  Note: “coming to grips” is defined by Merriam-Webster as “understanding or dealing with a difficult situation or problem usually skillfully or efficiently.”  We’re not doing that.  Quite the opposite.

It saddens me that the popular “solution” to the core problem - wealth flowing unsustainably upward – is to attack the powerless.  In part because only those who control the wealth distribution can change the wealth distribution. Further Othering the least powerful will solve nothing.  It’s a master stroke in redirection.

A movement that explicitly targets the traditionally neglected to intentionally and systematically re-neglect them only sows pain. 

I re-imagine my vulnerable times with the kindnesses replaced with malice and state-sponsored difficulty – to no real end – and can only see pain – unnecessary and easily avoidable pain.

It’s one thing to neglect, it’s a whole nother thing to target.

“We support the targeting of the vulnerable” is not only cruel, it’s worse than pointless.  It achieves the opposite of the stated goal: inclusion.  It is not the marginized that are excluding us from the economic infrastructure we all deserve, it is those wielding the power. 

Be smarter, be more effective.

But always, intentionally, be kind.  Support those being kind.  No matter what.  It makes a difference at the micro-level and the macro.

Choose kindness first, always.

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Category: Leadership